Seeing the Person Beyond Dementia
Dementia care is often talked about in terms of diagnosis, symptoms, and stages. But for Lisa Shauf, a recreation worker, mom of five, and daughter of someone living with early-onset vascular dementia, the conversation is much more personal.
On the Smart Aging™ Podcast, Lisa shared how her professional experience in long-term care and her personal experience with her father’s diagnosis have shaped the way she sees dementia, care, and connection.
Dementia Impacts the Whole Family
One of Lisa’s most powerful reminders is that dementia is not only a diagnosis for the person living with it. It affects everyone who loves them.
Families often experience what is known as the “long goodbye,” grieving changes in someone who is still physically present but slowly changing cognitively and emotionally. For Lisa, watching her father decline has brought a deeper understanding of what families go through behind the scenes.
This perspective matters in senior living. Care teams are not only supporting residents. They are also supporting spouses, adult children, grandchildren, and loved ones who may be overwhelmed, grieving, or unsure of what comes next.
Good Care Starts With Knowing the Person
Lisa explained that her definition of good care has changed over time. Early in her career, she saw good care as meeting physical needs, keeping someone clean, comfortable, and content. Now, she sees good care as something much deeper. It means knowing the full person: who they were as a child, parent, worker, friend, and community member. It means understanding their routines, preferences, fears, family dynamics, past trauma, and personal history.
A former teacher may respond well to a more formal greeting. A lifelong farmer may need something purposeful to do early in the morning. Someone who once crocheted may no longer manage a hook, but may still enjoy holding, sorting, or braiding yarn. Those details can completely change how someone responds to care.
Purposeful Engagement Matters
For residents living with dementia, engagement is not just entertainment. It is connection, dignity, routine, and purpose. Lisa shared how simple modifications can help residents continue enjoying activities they once loved. A person who can no longer crochet may still engage with yarn. Someone with limited hand strength may still participate with adaptive tools. Art, music, drumming, sorting, folding, and sensory-based activities can create moments of success without the pressure of doing something “right.” The goal is participation, confidence, and belonging.
Families Need Support Too
Families may not always know how to connect with their loved one as dementia progresses. They may say, “Mom can’t do that anymore,” or “Dad would never enjoy that.” This is where life enrichment teams can make a meaningful difference. Activity kits, simple conversation prompts, familiar music, sensory items, and modified games can give families an easy way to spend time together. When families see others using these tools, it can open the door to new ideas and more confident visits.
A Mindset Shift for Care Teams
When asked what small change care teams could make right away, Lisa’s answer was simple: look at the person every day. Not the diagnosis. Not yesterday’s mood. Not the care plan alone. Look at the person in front of you today.
Some days may be perfect for laughter, music, and group activities. Other days may require calm, quiet, reassurance, or simply sitting together. Dementia care requires flexibility, observation, and empathy in real time.
Lisa’s story is a powerful reminder that dementia care is about supporting a person and everyone connected to them. When care teams take the time to understand personal history, adapt activities, support families, and notice daily changes, they create more than programs. They create moments of dignity, purpose, and connection, and in dementia care, those moments matter.